Thursday, May 14, 2009

Invasion of the Giant Cockroaches round 2

Well, I am sitting in my room smothering in toxic fumes. because I just dispensed an entire can of roach spray on a two inch monster that was making a break across my hall from the bathroom for the kitchen.



I was sitting in my room minding my business, when Salman popped his head in the door with a terrified look on his face "Mommy!",
"What?!" I said, frightened by the look on his face.
"Mommy" he just said and start making gestures with his hand which I totally misinterpreted to mean something was terribly wrong with his little brother. I probably thought that because I was in the middle of watching a particulary heart rending episode of Ghost Whisperer - what a corny show - where the ghost was a kid who got run over by a lawn mower and it was his brother's fault because they were fooling around on the riding mower.



I harbor a secret fear that, in one of their many sessions of play that erupt into fist fights and slapping and kicking and punching, one of them is going to accidentally, but seriously, hurt the other one. Of course, when I tell them that when they are still mad and I say something like "don't ever kick your brother in the stomach, you could damage his internal organs and kill him" the offending child will say things like "good, I hope so, I hope he DIES! I wish I didn't have a brother!". The only one that seems to get upset by them saying things like that is me, and I say things like "don't you EVER say that you would feel TERRIBLE if something happened to him and it was your fault". I say such boring and predictable stereotypical mom things. I wish I could come up with something better than that, because that stuff doesn't catch their attention at all.



I vaguely remember saying similar things about hating one of my numerous siblings and having them say the same about me as well, but I never realized at the time how stressful it must have been for my Mom to hear it.



So anyway, I was imagining Little Guy in pool of blood in the hall, so I hauled my big butt off the bed and into the hall as fast as I could carry myself.



By the way .... even as I am writing this they have just fallen off the bed in a tussle and one of them has banged their head on the floor and is now slapping the other one.... and I am yelling and telling them to knock it off, and they are barely taking notice and I feel completely ineffective - at times like this I really wonder what it would be like to have daughters. When I came home from work today, I found Little Guy on top of my cupboard about to jump off....



Ok ...I am back (bet you didn't know I was gone); my shreiking, flailing of arms and threatening them with punisments I am currently too weak and tired to enforce (I am very sick with a bad cold or flu or whatever and worked 12 hours straight today) has made them quiet down for a couple minutes, so let's see... where was I...



Ah yes - the cockroach... so I ran into the hall and there I saw it. Now, on the one hand I was relieved that my youngest one had not lost any blood and was safely perched on top of the sofa in the family room; but, on the other hand I was horrified by the sight of the hefty insect that was hauling ass towards my kitchen ,where it no doubt had plans to deposit its huge egg sac so its little babies couldn't infiltrate and infect all of my food and cupboards. I screamed at the top of my lungs, and I guess it heard me because it stopped and turned towards me.



My poor maid, Sablah, who already thinks I am a psycho, came running wondering what nonsense I was up to. I was happy that this time she could see I had good reason for making a scene. She looked startled at the sight of the giant bug too, which just goes to show how big the damn thing was, because she is from Africa, and I know from personal experience just how big the roaches can get there. But at least she had the presence of mind to actually move (the kids and I were all frozen in our tracks) and run to the kitchen and fetch the can which had handy illustrations of dead roaches on it - she can barely speak English so I am pretty sure she can't read it at all. She was about to spray, but I was afraid she would just annoy it with a small spray that would send it running around in a frenzy that would scare the pants off of me. So I took the can from her and then pointed it at the roach and sprayed with all my might and didn't stop for a full two minutes.



Ok, the boys are at it again, one is being dragged off the bed by his leg by the other one and is hanging on for dear life to the bed spread which is slowing coming unanchored and sliding off with him... why did God give me boys?!!



Back to the roach.... By the time I stopped spraying, I had pretty much emptied the entire can on the creature, which was now lying on its back with its legs weakly waving around in the air. (Why do bugs always turn on their backs to die?) It was still way too alive for me to consider touching it, plus I was having a coughing fit, brought on by the fact that I already am sick and had inhaled about as much of the poison gas as the roach had. Luckily, Sablah is a lot braver than I am, because it was dead enough for her to pick it up with paper towel and dispose of it.

Now my little one (and I) are afraid to use that bathroom. I think they somehow get in through the pipes, because its not like I am breeding giant roaches IN my house, at least I hope I am not... obviously it is time to call the exterminator again. When we first moved in we called him and he sprayed everywhere inside and out and giant roaches were oozing out of the drains outside to die...

Sadly, this is probably the most action I am going to see all weekend, except I have to drive to Oman again tomorrow for the monthly visa change for the kids and you never know what might happen there - I don't know why I am saying that, it is never eventful... the closest our last trip got to excitement was when I was flying down the highway on my way back and I almost hit a bunch of Pakistanis who for some reason thought that the fast lane of the highway - right after a bend in the road - would be a good place to gather for their Friday after prayers meet and greet.
Apparently the side of the road isn't happening enough for them so they have to crowd on the median strip that is only one foot wide and has a cement barrier jutting out of it - which means they are actually standing in the road. I don't know what genius thought up that arrangement but I almost killed a bunch of them. Luckily no one else was in the other lane so I swerved. The best part was when I honked wildly at them and they all looked at me like I was out of my mind.

Sometimes what appears to be the total lack (or use) of common sense just astounds me. Yes perhaps the middle of a raod is normal place to gather when you live in a little village and the fastest thing passing by is a mule cart, but this was a goddamned multi lane highway where car and trucks fly by at 140+

Every time I drive somewhere and get home safely in this country, I feel the smug satisfacton that I have cheated death yet another time. God help me...

11 comments:

Aynur said...

HAHAHAHAHhahahahahah what a post!!!
I have 2 girls and they still are always harassing/hitting/slapping/pushing each other.
Cockroach? Yuck! yuck yuck yuck.

Ahavah said...

'Every time I drive somewhere and get home safely in this country, I feel the smug satisfacton that I have cheated death yet another time. God help me... '

You seem a lot cheerier today DM! but I too concur with this sentiment...

Roaches?! I am still trying to pluck up courage to see what my compost bin is 'doing' and the thought that there may be 'worms' within is leaving me nausious...

I think I can safely say...

I don't DO Roaches.... your new maid sounds like she is a total treasure!

hummmm... a boy/girl mix isn't any less war torn - sometimes I felt like Kissenger between two warring countries.... frazzeled

Empress Anisa said...

Well, at least you had guts enough to stand there and spray it! I know me... I would have passed out at the mere sight of it or ran in my room and stuffed things under the door so he couldn't get in... yeah, chicken, I know.

Puça said...

ahhahahah it resembles to me a ghost wisperer episode hahaha

They are just disgusting...

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Your blog has been utterly fascinating for me to read!

Don't be fooled. Two girls are nothing but drama. There is the physical AND the emotional torture that they inflict on each other. Mine are 4 and 6.

Did I mention that they are both in live with the same 7 year old boy in the neighborhood? I am screwed.

desertmonsoon said...

Aynur,
yes a big fat juicy black two inch cock roach, far more disturbing looking than the brown german cock roach that is common in the US - which is disturbing in and of itself. I guess you are right about girls - though my older sister was more a master of mental torment we did have one fight where a hair dryer and my glasses ended up getting broken.

Ahavah,
I don't DO roaches by choice, I would be very happy if they stayed away from me - compost - probably you are breeding another creepy bug out there - the earwig, those things used to terrify me even though they aren't very big.

Anisa,
It's funny how something small can bring down the bravest and strongest people. I mean really, women go through the most excruciating pain to bring children into this world, get puked on, pooped and peed on without even blinking and then freak out when a relatively small insect comes our way :) hard to imagine someone who can move half way across the world with three little ones while pregnant could be defeated by such a little enemy ;)

Puca,

Which one is disgusting? Ghost Whisperer or Cockroaches - actually come to think of it they both are :) That show is just so sappy and yet I find myself watching it sometimes.

Misfit Hausfrau,

Welcome, you are right about the emotional torture, when i was all of three years old my older sister convinced me to moon the next door neighbors, as soon as I did it she immediately said "awwww I'm going to tell" and totally shamed me for it and then black mailed me with it for YEARS until one day when I was much much older, I suddenly realized that my mom would probably laugh if she heard the story, and the neighbors were probably not all that scandalized by seeing a three year old's butt...

Puça said...

hhahha the cockroaches are the disgusting ones...

Ghost whisperer may be an option if no CSI or House episodes are available..

;0)

Empress Anisa said...

LOL... yeah, well... something have to bring down the bravest, strongest of us all! I can take just about anything but roaches ain't one of them

Ahavah said...

EARWIGS?!!!!!

thud...

(thats the sound of me in dead faint hitting the floor)...

desertmonsoon said...

i know they scare the crap out of me

my dad likes to buy straw hats from the Amish and wear them

once one of them got left out in the yard and it was damp

the next morning i picked it up and it was swarming with earwigs I nearly died from fight

desertmonsoon said...

from fright i mean!!