This might be my last post for a while. Quite frankly, I don't know what is going to happen to me. I have lost everything.
I was fired from my job suddenly and for no reason. After one year of working enough overtime (without compensation) to amount to a whole half year extra of work and being verbally abused and degraded on a regular basis by my employer. I have now been terminated.
In the UAE in July it is next to impossible to find another job - I know because I have been jobless at this time of year before. And this time it is worse because the economy is bad. I gave up everything in Dubai - including my super cheap apartment - and moved to Ras Al Khaimah. My boss was such a hugely nasty man that I actually hung onto the other apartment as long as I could, but the company confirmed me, so I let my guard down and let my apartment there go.
Now I am living in company paid accommodation, so I have nowhere to go after this. Without an employment / residence visa, it will be impossible for me to find another place to live, plus my home computer just broke so I have no way to apply to jobs easily - or find them online (I am writing this from my work computer)... not that there is much on offer - there wont be until after Ramadan. By that time, the shitty little pay out I will get from this job will be long gone. I don't have enough money to get back home. I have two little boys to support. When I think about it, I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. I have a loan I have to pay back, without a job and no money they will throw me in prison because this places operates like it is in the Middle Ages when it comes to things like debt. So I have to send my boys away from me for a very very long time and try to pay off my debt or sit in jail - either way they will lose their mother and I will lose the only things in this world that have kept me going all this time.
I tried to stay here in this country so that they could learn Arabic and that they would be able to take Islam in school. I even have asked Muslims friends to take them to the mosque from time to time. I am not a Muslim, after their no good father deserted us, I didn't have any obligation to teach them Islam - at least not according to my religion. But I wanted them to learn what they could so at least when they grow up, whatever they choose to be, they can't say I kept them away from their father's religion and culture.
I don't know as much about Islam as Muslims do, but I am pretty sure that it tells Muslims to look out for orphans and widows. My bosses' are all Muslim, but they are knowingly causing harm to two little boys. They are turning them into orphans basically - their father is gone and they will now lose thier mother. They knew my whole story and they used it to their advantage this whole year, they abused me, overworked me, knowing that I needed my job for my boys' sake and then they went looking for someone else because My boss is too arrogant to admit to his own shortcomings and mistakes and needs someone to blame for it and he is firing me because I defended myself when blamed for things that were in no way shape or form my fault.
I lost my eyesight as well because of this job - there is something in the air here that severely irritates my eyes and as soon as I moved here I started getting red, swollen and even infected eyes. Whatever is causing it, seems to be worse in the office - and yet they would keep me there 12 hours a day using a computer no less. My right eye got so bad that my retina ended up detaching and I lost the vision in that eye. Surgery was only able to partially restore it. I haven't painted since I lost my vision in that eye.
It is amazing how much I have changed in this past year - in spite of all that my husband had put me through and the hard times, I still looked very young for my age and was what some would call pretty. Now I look haggard and worn and there are permanent dark dark circles under my eyes.
I have no friends and no one to turn to. I wish I had never come to this country - it has taken everything from me. My children were the last thing I had and now in a couple weeks, they will be gone too. I don't know if I can go on anymore. I think of ending it after they leave. I don't want to wake up and not see their faces. I don't think I could bear it, one way or another I am afraid this will kill me.
I keep praying for a miracle but things only get worse. They often say that God only helps those who help themselves, but I have been trying and struggling all this time to help myself and this is what comes of it?
Today the landlord came by the house and told me that we will have to get out if we don't renew. They were supposed to renew my accommodation last month, but because they were plotting against me, they just let it hang. So now I don't even know where I am supposed to be staying right now.
I don't have time to pack up or to look for another job because they still expect me to come in to work by the way, to "train" the idiot they hired to replace me.
I shouldn't call her that, it isn't nice and she doesn't seem like a bad person. But I feel so damn angry and she must have lied in her interview or on her CV because she doesn't know how to use her computer except for the most BASIC things. I resent having to tell someone who is supposedly "so much more qualified" than I am how to send a message from her account instead of the boss', how to send a meeting request, how to turn up the volume on the desk phone, how to put her own PERSONAL CELL PHONE on silent... and hand over all the knowledge about projects and companies that I built up over one year with no help from anyone - because when I joined no one showed me anything or told me anything about what was going on but he pretty much started yelling at me from day two expecting me to somehow miraculously know. With all I have taught her, she gets to pretend she is all switched on, when in reality she doesn't have a clue about anything - just has a loud voice (yeah, apparently another reason I wasn't OK for the job is because I am "nice" and I speak softly) and such a heavy tread when she walks that I can hear her coming from a mile away. She hasn't checked his email for one week since she started - he used to yell at me because sometimes I would be in his office with him and an email would come in while I was in there, and he would ask me about it, and I wouldn't know because I hadn't seen it yet - or he would delete it from his blackberry after reading it there - which deletes it in the whole system - and then accuse me of being incompetent because I couldn't find it. I have no idea why she isn't checking it, for the first few days I forwarded them to her mail directly, but I have stopped doing it, she should check it herself, since she is the one who is so qualified. No one had to tell me to do that, I did it without being told. I am sure, though, that when I go back in to work tomorrow he is going to blame ME for why she isn't checking it. As long as I am there, he will blame me for everything, because he doesn't want to admit that anything is his fault and if he blames the new lady then again it will make him look stupid since he maintains that the only thing wrong was with me.
She told me "he seems very intense, but he is really great isn't he?" I almost choked when she said that. I looked away and mumbled and answer because at the same time they terminated me my boss threatened me that I had to train her and I had better not tell her anything about him. Funny, if he thinks he is so great and not to blame, why would he need to do that? I mean if I was fired for doing something wrong then why would he care about that anyway But of course he knows what I know about him - that he has mistreated every person who has been in my position and that some of them who are now in other positions in the company can vouch for how horrible he is and will once they trust you.
According to company procedure, they are supposed to first give an employee a warning and a chance to improve before firing them. They do this for all the other confirmed employees, even the ones who come in late and leave early every blessed day or don't bother to show up for work half the time. But I received no such warning, so they violated the procedure and the terms of my agreement, but its not like anyone will care if I complain. Anyway, what were they going to warn me for? For working overtime? Any other thing he blamed me for, he would need to actually prove it was my fault and that I had committed some grievous error or mistake or violated my contact - none of which I did. But I am certain that if I took it to the labor court they would manufacture some case against me, with witnesses and all - nobody wants to lose their job right now and so many of their employees are not competent enough to get work anywhere else and know it. They are completely immoral and I have seen how other workers have been destroyed by them to know that there is no limit they wont go to.
I don't know what to do. I have no one to help me. I am willing to move anywhere in the UAE to work, but I just need to keep my children. I am afraid to send them to America without me. I am afraid to have them live there with no health insurance. What if they get sick? My little one is only 6, he needs me. My parents are old and don't have much money; they can't really afford to take care of them for me. I have never been so scared, distraught, or angry in all my life.