Sunday, September 6, 2009

RAGE

I am just so full of rage and fury right now. I imagine that I feel the way postal workers must feel right before they .. well.. go postal.

They pay me so little now at work that I can't afford to send my kids to school. Nor can I afford the tutor who used to teach them at home. That means that I have to go home straight after work to teach them, but for some FUCKING reason the ASSHOLES at work think I should happily stay after for 4-5 hours extra like i used to for half the pay this time. I feel so mad I could literally kill someone. Especially since everyone in the company just got a bonus "for their hardwork and dedication in the past year" except for me. I can't tell you how hurt and angry and thoroughly enraged I feel about the way I have been treated. I try to ignore it, but I can feel it building up inside of me, and I feel like I am going to snap soon.

I don't know how to describe how I feel except that I am clenching my teeth as I write this because I want to so desperately smash and destroy everything within reach including my cell phone and this computer. I am so tired of people walking all over me and taking advantage of me, that I am afraid I will kill the next person who tries it.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What's up with that???

I spend a lot of time wondering What's up with that? about a lot of things that happen around me here. Things like....

1. The lady who replaced me is from South Africa and is a Muslim - a convert obviously, since she is from an Afrikaaner background. I don't have any problem with that part; acutally, I don't have a problem with her at all. But what I find weird is the way she dresses. I mean, she just wears regular western clothes - including shirts with very short sleeves, sometimes made of kind of sheerish blouse material so you can kind of see her bra through it. Sometimes they are low enough you can even see a peek of cleavage too. She also wears trousers that aren't super tight (she is about 50 after all) but definitely show her shape. Her hair is cut really short too, and she doesn't wear hijab, so you can see her whole neck and ears and all that. Considering that I am always freezing in the arctic climate we have in the office and thus wear long sleeves with sweaters over them most of the time, I usually am dressed more modestly than she is. She is fasting during Ramadhan, but she is still dressing this way. So every time I see her, I wonder what's up with that?
If she was born into a Muslim family, I wouldn't wonder as much, because people don't always buy everything they are taught by their parents. That is why you find a lot of nominal followers of various religions. They say "I am Christian" or "I am Muslim" or whatever for the sake of family or culture but they haven't really taken the time to believe it and love it for themselves. But converts are usually very fervent and very strict. And I guess, especially in the case of a religion like Islam, which doesn't just lay down what you should believe but also seems to have a lot of lifestyle rules for dress, diet, etc. that are religious mandates, I alway assume that people who have chosen that religion would follow everything. Anyway, I just find it odd... and I'm incredibly nosy so I really want to know what her reasoning is there...

Speaking of her. I went up to her the other day to ask her how it's going - I actually meant Ramadhan and all that - but she thought I was talking about the job. She confessed (after only one month in that position) that she is beginning to regret taking it or wonder why the hell she left teaching. I didn't realize she was a teacher before, when she told me, I said "you must be nuts, if I had the teaching certfication, I wouldn't even consider this kind of job." So - again - what's up with that?! I mean who in their right mind would leave working with children and having nice hours and the whole summer off, to working for corporate @#%&@s?

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2. I have road rage, I really shouldn't drive. The traffic isn't even bad here, but I still am impatient and angry when driving. Of course, it is largely due to the inordinate number of idiot drivers on the road. No one here drives normally, it either has to be way too fast or so slow that the driver could literally get there just as fast walking. There was this car going around the round about in front of me and it was literally going around it so slowly that it was jumping around - like it would if you tap the gas and then braked immediately and then did it again repeatedly. Lord help that driver if he /she ever finds himself in Dubai at the Trade Center roundabout .

Of course my favorite two types of driving related idiocy are
1) when someone in the middle lane manages to hog all three lanes at once. He wavers back and forth between them, not allowing anyone to get around him because they can't anticipate which direction he will meander next.
2) when you are in the fast lane and someone in the lane next to you is sooo desperate to get in front of you (though you are driving fast) and get around the slow poke in front of them that they gun it, quickly swerve in front of you but then immediately brake and proceed to drive as slowly as the person they were trying to get in front of, who is now driving exactly beside them in the other lane - thereby trapping you at their turtle speed. Or you are happily speeding down the open highway, no one in front of you, no one behind you, and a car waiting to turn onto the road, hits the gas really hard just so they can get out infront of you but then does not continue to accelerate - forcing you to brake really hard. Really, WHAT is up with THAT?! Why do they absolutely NEED to get infront of you only to slow down? Why if they think it is their god given right to drive at the speed of an inch worm on tranquilizers do they need to be in the fast lane, why couldn't they have let you pass first? Why can't they just pick a lane and stick with it?

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3. The Chairman - HH - walked up to my desk on Sunday and asked me "you, what's your name?" and I said "qadfjafkljaslfj" and he said "what?" and i repeated "qadfjafkljaslfj" and he said "not kadfjafkljaslfj?"(alternate pronunciation of my weird name) and I said "well you could say it either way" and then he just walked away. What is up with that? I've been paranoid ever since. Are they plotting something new against me? Not that I know that he he was in on anything that has happened to me, but who knows ... And I have been working here 15 months and he only thought to ask my name now? Today I found out that some staff have been invited to the Palace for Iftar, so another paranoid thought crossed my mind that maybe he had suggested that I be put on the list, but since I wasn't invited someone *cough CEO cough* chucked me off of it. But then I think, Why the hell would he care if I was put on the list or not? He didn't even know my name until this past Sunday.