Sunday, September 6, 2009

RAGE

I am just so full of rage and fury right now. I imagine that I feel the way postal workers must feel right before they .. well.. go postal.

They pay me so little now at work that I can't afford to send my kids to school. Nor can I afford the tutor who used to teach them at home. That means that I have to go home straight after work to teach them, but for some FUCKING reason the ASSHOLES at work think I should happily stay after for 4-5 hours extra like i used to for half the pay this time. I feel so mad I could literally kill someone. Especially since everyone in the company just got a bonus "for their hardwork and dedication in the past year" except for me. I can't tell you how hurt and angry and thoroughly enraged I feel about the way I have been treated. I try to ignore it, but I can feel it building up inside of me, and I feel like I am going to snap soon.

I don't know how to describe how I feel except that I am clenching my teeth as I write this because I want to so desperately smash and destroy everything within reach including my cell phone and this computer. I am so tired of people walking all over me and taking advantage of me, that I am afraid I will kill the next person who tries it.

13 comments:

Jaz said...

Wow you're really angry! I don't blame you, but being angry won't help. Why is that? It's totally not fair, think of people worse off though.

Jaz said...

* What about other jobs?

desertmonsoon said...

I don't care about myself - but now my children can't even get a proper education - ok fine, even that I will do myself. I am not complaining, I can come home and teach them. But when they prevent me from doing that - that makes me furious. I resent people who think they own every minute of your time even when they pay you shit. If they need this shit done so badly and it is more than can be accomplished in normal working hours then they ought to pay better otherwise they should go stick their heads where the sun don't shine. I so wanted to scream GO FUCK YOURSELVES!! in work today. I didn't but I had to clench my fists and teeth to prevent myself from doing something. To find a decent other job will take time. I hope I don't explode before then.

Vibz said...

I can literally feel your anger. Please take a deep breath, cool down. This is a very bad situation to be in. Keep looking for other jobs. Have satisfaction of atleast having a job at hand even though it sucks. All i can say is try to fight the situation thinking God is testing you.

Jaz said...

Desertmonsoon: Well yeah like I said what they are doing is totally unfair. I'm surprised, do they ever give a reason?
I'm really sorry to hear that, are the schools expensive over there then?
I know what you mean about finding a job, has the economy affected life there?

Pu├ža said...

I really understand your rage, but you have to ccol down as it won't help you. Have to think in a strategy... if they require same extra hours than before without being paid.. a big smile and a soft answer...half salary...half extra hours/no extra hours...

In the meantime, I woould try to get another job or see if still on the one in Abu Dhabi. They have giuven you the clue that they are not going to change, and I'd expect in brief giving you some of the work you did before.....but of course at the current wage

Keep strong, you do not deserve this, let's change it step by step, now you can plann as you've a wage (even if low). You've all the information, take advantage of it!!!

Anonymous said...

WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?

Aynur said...

:(

Misfit Hausfrau said...

I hate to add fuel to the fire, but it seems to me that they are trying their damndest to get you to walk away. Keep in mind, they know that you would have had grounds for a lawsuit when they tried to terminate you awhile back. If you were to try to sue them now (or after leaving), they could always claim that they didn't terminate you and that you were given an offer to stay.

At this point, you need to get out of there--for your sanity if nothing else. You already know that they are never going to roll out the red carpet for you and suddenly become nice. If they did, I would be even more suspicious of them.

While not every job in the world can be exciting or fun, or even reqarding, you certainly shouldn't be in a job where your employer is openly hostile and causing you this much angst and time away from your family. You shouldn't have to deal with headgames for 8 hours a day. Or in your case, 12 or 13 hours.

desertmonsoon said...

Vibz, thanks for your message. I don't know why God keeps testing me - I wish he would test someone else for a change - like my soon to be ex husband.

Jaz, no reason except that they can get away with it here and the boss is an evil little man who like to punish people who aren't bootlickers. They really don't care how hard you work or how honest you are, they just want someone to kiss ass, never ask questions and do / go along with whatever they say even if it is wrong or even immoral.

Yes the economy has affected life here quite a bit, there just aren't as many jobs on offer as there were before.

Hi Misfit Hasfrau - well I keep thinking about that and I don't think so really. They need me to do what I am doing now. I am the only one who can do it, they just thought they would be clever and find a way to get it for less. They don't realize though that when they told me "since you wont be doing much now we are cutting your pay" i have taken that to heart - that means I will not "do much" for what I am payed. To me that means I work as hard as I can during normal working hours and then I leave their shit in the office and go home right on the dot. I told my supervisor today. I will do the best and most that I can in the working hours but beyond that I can't promise anything. If he wants to fire me for that he can, though I'd like to see the reasoning

Misfit Hausfrau said...

I am glad you told you supervisor. What did he say?

Anonymous said...

deep breath, in and let it out, breaking something will only cost you what you don't have enough of, money, been there done that,as nasty as your bosses seem to be you have a job, all be it a crappy one,wiht luck something better will happen for you, we can all pray that for you, best of luck.

desertmonsoon said...

He looked guilty because I also told him at the same time
the company is not paying me enough to send my kids to school anymore so I have to do that myself and that means I need to leave after work hours finish and go straight home to teach them and since I also am the only employee who has been working here more than year who didn't get a bonus, I don't know why the company expects me to give them my all when i did give them my all before and they rewarded me with abuse, a pay cut and no bonus. Then I just sat down at my desk and let him chew on that one.

Anon - I know you are right about the breaking things just ending up costing me more - because I broke a couple of cell phones and dented some pots and pans while I was with my husband - but I figured it was better I take out my rage on the cell phone than on him. It is scary to feel so angry. Anyway, I'm doing OK so far haven't broken anything yet.